The conversation has eight phases:

CONNECT → PERMISSION → DISCOVER → REFLECT → RELATE → CLARIFY THE GAP → ENCOURAGE THE STEP → CONFIRM

These phases give you direction.

They do not give you a script.

A real conversation may move backward and forward between them.

KNOW WHERE YOU ARE GOING WITHOUT FORCING THE FAMILY TO FOLLOW A SCRIPT.

1 | CONNECT

Create a natural, comfortable beginning.

Be human.

You do not need to immediately explain estate planning.

You do not need to introduce a product.

And you do not need a clever opening.

Start with the people in front of you.

CONNECTION COMES BEFORE DISCOVERY.

2 | PERMISSION

Before moving into discovery, give the family room to participate.

Something as simple as:

“Would it be okay if I asked you a couple of questions?”

Then let them answer.

Once permission is given, move on.

Do not turn the permission question into an interrogation about what they already have.

ASK PERMISSION. THEN HAVE THE CONVERSATION.

Connect and Permission are the first two phases of the approved Kitchen Table Conversation™.

3 | DISCOVER

Learn what matters to the family.

Who are they trying to protect?

What do they want to happen?

How confident are they that things would work the way they intend?

What questions or concerns do they have?

Use what you learned in Module 3.

Ask one question.

Listen.

Then let their answer help determine what comes next.

DISCOVERY FOLLOWS THE FAMILY, NOT A CHECKLIST.

4 | REFLECT

Show the family that you heard them.

Use their words and priorities rather than replacing them with yours.

For example:

“It sounds like making things easier for your daughter is really important to you.”

Then confirm:

“Did I get that right?”

If they correct you, listen.

Being corrected is better than building the rest of the conversation on something you misunderstood.

The approved ACA-120 describes Reflect simply: show the family you heard them accurately.

5 | RELATE

Sometimes a story or educational point can help make something clearer.

Use it only when it serves the conversation.

One story.

One point.

Then return to the family.

THE STORY IS A BRIDGE. THE FAMILY IS THE DESTINATION.

You may discover that no story is needed.

That's okay.

ACA-120 says to use one relevant story or educational point when it helps.

6 | CLARIFY THE GAP

This is an important phase.

You are not diagnosing the family's estate plan.

You are helping them recognize the difference between:

WHERE THINGS ARE TODAY

and

WHAT THEY WANT TO HAPPEN

For example, someone might tell you:

“I want my daughter to be able to handle everything if something happens to me.”

Later you learn:

“She doesn't really know where anything is.”

You do not need to tell them:

“You have a problem.”

You can reflect what they already told you.

“Earlier you said you want your daughter to be able to handle things if something happens. You also mentioned that she doesn't really know where everything is today. How do you feel about that?”

Then stop.

Let them think.

HELP THE FAMILY RECOGNIZE THE GAP. DON'T DIAGNOSE IT FOR THEM.

That distinction is explicitly part of the approved Kitchen Table Conversation™.

DON'T CREATE A GAP

This deserves its own teaching point.

If the family has not described a difference between where they are and what they want, do not manufacture one.

Do not hunt for something wrong.

Do not exaggerate uncertainty.

Do not use a story to create fear.

The gap belongs to the family.

YOU HELP THEM RECOGNIZE WHAT THEY HAVE ALREADY TOLD YOU.

7 | ENCOURAGE THE STEP

Once the family has greater clarity, there may be an appropriate next step.

Offer it.

Do not prescribe it as though the family has no choice.

Depending on the conversation, the next step could be a Family Legacy Review™, involving another family member, obtaining additional information, professional review or simply another conversation.

THE NEXT STEP SHOULD COME FROM THE CONVERSATION THAT JUST HAPPENED.

Module 8 will develop this skill more deeply.

8 | CONFIRM

Before the conversation ends, make sure everyone knows what happens next.

Who is going to do what?

Does another trusted person need to be involved?

Is there something that needs to be gathered?

Is there a question that requires professional review?

Is another conversation being scheduled?

DON'T END WITH ASSUMPTIONS.

Confirm the next action and who owns it.

ACA-120 defines the final phase as clarifying who will do what next and any trusted person who should be involved.

THE CONVERSATION SHOULD NOT SOUND LIKE EIGHT STEPS

This is critical.

The family should not feel:

“Now we're on Step 4.”

The phases are for you, not them.

They help you understand what a complete conversation contains.

With practice, the structure should disappear into a natural conversation.

LEARN THE STRUCTURE UNTIL YOU DON'T SOUND STRUCTURED.

TWO PEOPLE MAY SEE THINGS DIFFERENTLY

When you're speaking with a couple, do not assume one spouse speaks for both.

One may feel confident.

The other may have questions.

One may want to move forward.

The other may want another family member involved.

Explore both perspectives.

Do not use one person's answer to pressure the other.

BOTH PEOPLE DESERVE TO BE HEARD.

This becomes particularly important in the Module 7 practice scenario, where the spouses intentionally have different perspectives.

ACA-120 gives us a specific practice family.

A married couple in their early 60s has wills created 12 years ago.

Their adult daughter helps with finances.

They own a home, retirement accounts and life insurance.

One spouse believes they are:

“Probably fine.”

The other worries that their daughter would not know what to do.

Your objective is to conduct a 12–15 minute discovery conversation.

During the practice:

Do not diagnose their estate plan.

Do not assume the wills are inadequate simply because they are 12 years old.

Do not decide which spouse is right.

Do not immediately recommend a trust.

Do not turn the conversation into a workshop.

And do not present the $1,995 package unless the evaluator specifically introduces a next-step/value discussion.

That final boundary comes directly from the approved ACA-120 scenario.

You are not being evaluated on:

How many estate-planning facts you can explain.

How many stories you know.

Whether you convince the couple they need a trust.

Whether you present the package.

Whether you close a sale.

You are being evaluated on whether you can have the conversation.

DON'T PERFORM. LISTEN, THINK AND RESPOND.

Use the Three-Part Debrief™ you have already practiced:

WHAT WORKED?

Identify something you did effectively.

WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

Identify one place where the conversation could have been better.

WHAT WILL YOU DO NEXT TIME?

Choose a specific behavior to practice.

The purpose of role-play is not to prove you are perfect.

It is to make your next conversation better.

Complete the Module 7 Kitchen Table Conversation™ Practice Scenario in your ACA-120 Conversation Curriculum materials.

Do not memorize what you plan to say.

Know the family scenario.

Know the conversation phases.

Then listen and respond to what happens.

YOU SHOULD BE PREPARING TO:

• Conduct a natural 12–15 minute discovery conversation.
• Connect before moving into discovery.
• Ask permission.
• Follow the family's answers rather than a question list.
• Listen to and reflect both spouses' perspectives.
• Use silence appropriately.
• Use no more than one relevant story.
• Clarify the gap without diagnosing.
• Respond to concerns without arguing.
• Offer an appropriate next step without pressure.
• Confirm what happens next.
• Allow the conversation structure to guide you without sounding structured.